Darren Clarkson-king, Exploring solo

Darren Carkson-King Founder of pure land expeditions, runs bespoke expeditions throughout Asia as well as South America. One of my biggest inspirations for this research was Darren's writing on his solo Everest expedition. Its complex metaphor and deeply personal meaning left me with a lot of questions that I felt needed to be explored. I was very lucky to sit down with Daz just hours after had come off a 2 day solo trip on the Tsarap Chu.

Daz - Philip Bulkeley

Speaking to Daz the day after he finished a 2 day solo expedition on the Tsarap Chu and Zanskar. A remote class 4-5 run in the Indian Himalayas covering 240km.

Nathan: first question, tell me a bit about yourself and your time kayaking?

Daz: Darren Clarkson king. Ten years ago it was Darren Clarkson.

Nathan: ten years?

Daz: paddling since I was 16 I’m now 41. Paddled in scouts, clubs, and GB freestyle team. Yeah, got a business and run (commercial) trips. That’s about it.

Nathan: so we are going to focus on solo kayaking. What does the term solo mean for you?

Daz: you could be a purist like Doug Ammon’s and say that anybody that sees you on the river or sees you driving to the put-in or at the take out then that is no longer a solo paddle. For me solo paddling is literally just the time on the water in isolation. So it’s not about peers. So you could in theory get on the river by yourself and over take a group of paddlers scouting a drop or whatever and that’s still a solo paddle. The risks are a lot less. Should people know you’re their or pass people on the river, the risks are a lot less.

Nathan: does that make a difference to you?

Daz: yeah

Nathan: does it take away from the experience?

Daz: no, a solo trip on the lower Llugwy where you are lapping somebody that is scouting is not as risky, if we are going to use that word as on a river where nobody knows where you are. That has obviously got more to it.

Nathan: do you think that’s an important part of solo kayaking?

Daz: No. If risk was an important part of solo then people wouldn’t go flat water solo paddling. It’s not about risk, it’s not about danger. It’s about isolation.

Nathan: tell me a bit about your last solo experience.

Daz: last solo trip was about 10 hours ago. Tsarap Chu northern Himalayas Ladakh, India. Put on about 4:30 day one paddle until about 6ish camped. Got up the next day 5:30 at first light. Paddled the whole of the Tsarap and then some of the Zanskar finished at half 5 6ish. Next day paddled out of the Zanskar. So that’s the bare bones of it. Its 220km - 240km something like that. Erm, one small portage which is always a portage. A couple of new rapids that I ran blind. Should have really scouted.  Err yeah that’s it really, just a long trip.

Nathan: what’s going through your head before you start a solo trip?

Daz: depends if I have done the river before it’s can I do it as well as I did last time. If I’ve not done it before it’s like any trip that you do for the first time. What’s in there? Is it going to be too much for me? It is never the question, is it going to be too easy? Because it doesn’t matter. But is it going to be too hard for me if I don’t know the river. I’ve soloed the Pindar, Alakananda, the tons. They were the first time I had done them. I hadn’t done them before. I had nobody telling me what was in there. So it’s all like can I cope with what’s down there? But really. When I first think, is have I got everything. That’s the bare bones of it. All the normal stuff you think about. If I’m soloing, its can I cope with the river. But if I’m in a group it’s no different. (Nathan: exactly the same though process if you were with peers?) Yeah I mean there’s very little difference, I don’t think about what happens if I get in to trouble because there no way. I don’t think about that. But I don’t think about that in a group. The thought process is the same, it is just amplified

Nathan: can you tell me about your most memorable part of that trip? Can you describe it to me?

Daz:  most memorable part of the trip?

Nathan: if there’s any one point that just sticks in your mind.

Daz: Okay, so those who have not done the Tsarap, it’s quite hard. It’s not easy, it’s not class 3. And what would be your day 3 day 4 from Reru falls down. Reru falls is a 5ish, maybe a 4, maybe a 5. And then you have rapids called bastard bastard and money marathon and there’s a rapid where Pete Clough lost his life. Erm, it’s quite hard. So.  Once you have nailed Reru and bastard bastard you start to get into it. The pressures of a little your run out is still class 4 but you know it’s a little bit easier so. I noticed a little bit more this time as I was quite aware that you were going to be asking me some questions. When I got back so I was a little more conscious of my thought processes a lot more. I’m always conscious of it but I was a lot happier when I got into the money? Section. A lot more I was singing to myself.  You’ve got a load of flat dog water and I just remember being in the flat water thinking life is good.

Nathan: why was that part memorable?

Daz: because it’s like obviously the crux, so that for people that don’t know the Tsarap you start off with these box canyons there hard it’s not class 2 is it and they’re all boxes. So you’ve got to basically trust and believe that the stuff in there hasn’t changed really. Because if you come across a hydraulic you’re going to get your arse kicked. Then you have got a big lake that’s about 18km long, flat. Then it drops out the end on a big landslide rapid. Then it’s just hard, just really hard until it finishes. So you have got a crescendo build up to the hard rapids then you have got a good few hours of hard. Then and once you are finished its easy. It’s memorable because you know you have done the hard bit.

Nathan: what do you want to achieve from a solo trip?

Daz:  I like that question. What do you want to achieve? I think it’s different for everyone. For some want to solo because they want to tell their mates they have. It’s quite an ego thing. Some people solo because they don’t have any friends.  And I don’t mean that in a bad way. I mean that going to their local class 3 run and it’s a Saturday morning and all their friends have either gotten married or got kids or whatever so they just go paddling when they want. I think people paddle flat water. I think a lot of people forget that people solo on flat water and they do that because they enjoy the piece and the solitude. So there’s a lot of reasons. Why do I solo? It changes. It changes a lot. Why did I solo this trip? I needed to go into the river and check out any changes because I have a commercial group going in. erm, but I would have gone in anyway. I enjoy going in and having time to process so like I like long days where I am by myself I paddle 11 to 13 hour days and I enjoy that processing time I find it really really rare where I can paddle a normal 8 hour day, 6 hour day or whatever it is with peers and process. Just process life. You can’t process life on a normal trip. Because you’re to busy talking about bollocks to your mates. You get to the rapid like the crux rapid and if there’s 3 or 4 of you then you umm and ahh a bit about it. Can you do safety and lalalalala? When you are by yourself its ever yes or no. its cut and dry it’s much easier really. So at Reru falls. Reru falls is quite a big rapid, class 5. I didn’t scout it. I should have and about half way down it had changed and if that was with peers you would be umming and ahhing and somebody would be shouting at the kayaker "oy you fucking dick why have you done that?" "Why did you lead us in blind?" and there would be a bit of group dynamic. Whereas when it’s just me it’s oh well, I made a mistake I should have scouted. Ahh well deal with it.

Nathan: tell me a little bit more about this processing life idea.

Daz: it just means you know. Life’s pretty hectic. Let’s be honest about this. And a lot of people just drift. Sort of through life. You go to school, you go to college you get a job.  Whereas soloing you tend to be able to process what’s going on around you rather than say somebody is winding you up or upsetting you, you have 12 hours by yourself to think about it. Or if you have got some demons in your head that you need to process. You very rarely get that chance in normal life I don’t think. Maybe you go for a pint with your mates or whatever but you don’t have the time to really give it 12 hours’ worth of thought.  Err, that’s just personal but I’m sure people that do solo stuff due process what’s going on in their lives. And I don’t believe that people that solo do it for adrenalin all the time. I believe they do it because there’s a demon they need to face or they need to or they have got an itch that needs scratching or whatever.

Nathan: how do you feel now it’s over?

Daz: really tired. Sometimes. When I do a solo. I will take this back a bit. Sometimes when I do a solo I will be ecstatic when I finish. Really really alive. but if it’s a long trip one of the long multi-day solos I have done I get to like, if I don’t know the river and I’m just like paddling it for the first time solo. I just want, after a day. Maybe a day and a bit I just want it to be over because I want the end to come. Not because I’m not enjoying it but because I don’t know my distances. Where’s if I’m soloing on a river I know I’m a bit more relaxed about things. The Tsarap. How do I feel now it’s done? If I had the energy, I would be going back in today. I just really like the river it’s nice. I’ve done it enough so that I know my timings really well so that I know that 10am I need to be at this rapid, or I know that if I’m there at 11 I am going to be late getting to camp or whatever and that’s quite nice. It’s a bit of security isn’t it? On big trips it’s nice to have that security at times. (Nathan: a bit of familiarity?) Not just familiarity it’s like knowing that, there’s a margin of error isn’t there. If you paddle as a group the margin of error is less because you have your friends there. Say that there are 4 of you and one of you gets injured whilst in of itself it lifts the margin of error higher because there’s more people to take account of theirs 3 people that can help. Whereas if there’s one of you. For example, I sprain my wrist and I cannot paddle I would have to wait a day. Then that margin of error is. The timings in order to be able to relax a lot. I might be snookered if I hurt my wrist now and I’ve got to wait it out. I always take an extra days food so I know that I can wait it out. Not that I have ever needed too. Not that I don’t paddle 12 hours a day.

Nathan: Anything else you want to add or say on solo?

Daz: yeah, I thought of something yesterday morning. Err, what it was. Yep. Is solo kayaking ego driven? Was the question that came to my head yesterday? And err, I think for a lot of people solo kayaking is seen as ego driven by people that don’t solo. Err, of the people that do solo I don’t think it is. There are a number of people that solo that are quite prolific solo paddlers, same as solo climbers. but I don’t believe it’s about ego, I don’t believe it’s about sponsorship and I don’t believe it’s about telling the world that you have done it. Unfortunately most solo paddlers. there are very few who aren’t assisted in some way as athletes so they do then have to post that they have done it and that sort of ruins it (Nathan: Catch 22) yeah. There are stories of people that have soloed and made it into the myth and legend of our sport. But you wouldn’t even know them if you met them in a bar, I think that’s a big part of it.

Nathan: I didn’t think ego had anything to do with it until I saw jakes video... up to that point I have never seen a person’s solo video. I’ve read a lot on people experiences, people thoughts because I think that’s a lot more of why they do it. Than doing it for nice lines in a remote place.

Daz: when it comes to ego, every kayaker you will speak to, or you will talk to in bars there is always going to be some eon involved, and there is. There’s always going to be a bit of ego involved in anything I think. Solo paddling I think you need to strip it bear, I’ve got this quote. There’s a song by a guy called rev hammer. Like a folky rock singer, you probably won’t have heard of him but he’s got an album called bishop of buffalo. One of the lines in one of the songs is "there’s a world of indifference, but you haven’t got to it yet." is one of the lines.  That came into my head when I was paddling this trip. Basically, a world of indifference. The river doesn’t give a fuck about your trip. Whether you’re paddling with your mates or you’re going to post it on FB, or you’re going to write an article. People care. Or you hope that people care or you wish they didn’t care. But if you’re by yourself the river doesn’t give a flying jacks ass about you. So like I said, there’s a world of indifference. It shouldn’t matter that you’re paddling. What should matter is thinking or meditating or praying or whatever. It’s not about "yo, bro check me out I’m cool." it’s about where your head goes. I think solo paddlers are quite keen on their personal stroke and challenging the river. I can think of a lot of paddlers that think its "all about me and the river." whereas for me I don’t care what river it is really. I really don’t care it can be multi-day in the Himalayas, it can be class 2 day trip. But it’s different. a class 2 3 hour trip is different to paddling multi-day hard water its mentally different but it’s the river.