Horst is kayaker and teacher from Austria. with a deep rooted love for adventure and people, his smile is infectious and I had the absolute pleasure to cross his path this summer. For more information on Horst, you can find a link to his Unsponsored article here: www.unsponsored.co.uk
Speaking to Horst Hattinger the day that he finished a 8 day solo expedition on the Tsarap chu. A remote class 4-5 run in the Indian Himalayas covering 240km.
- Tell me about yourself and about your time kayaking.
I’m a typical coming out of a kayak family. my father was a kayaker. so, I started kayaking when I was 6. (now 37) so my dad made my first kayak for me. I have been through the whole of kayak development. from like fiberglass kayaks, the long 4m boats to the first playboats. my first boat was a hurricane. and yeah, to the time of kayaking now, many things have changed. But I am still doing it my way.
- what does the term solo mean for you?
solo means for me... no matter whether I’m kayaking or skiing or mountaineering. it’s me and nature, that’s it.
- When we last talked in Padum right after you got off the river you mentioned the idea of All-ien. can you just go over that again and maybe expand a little?
so okay there is two things that you can do. mainly there is like man and woman they are opposites. there is like alone and in a group. they are opposites. When you think about these tribe people all over the world you will see that it was common to be part of a group and alone. the hunters in Austria I would say where going in a group hunting, they were going alone hunting and I would say that is what is interesting about the sport. to paddle alone, to trek alone, to climb alone whatever, and to do it in a group. I think that if you are good doing your job in any case. If you are able to live both sides. There are some people that are some people that are only doing it alone and they are not able to be part of a group. There are some people that are always in groups and they are scared of being alone. and I would say it’s important for me to live and to experience both sides. The all-ien thing, one more time, is especially one of my philosophies. if you are all-ien which in the Austrian language means one with the universe. you know, you get connected with your roots, you are connecting your mind with your whole body, you know especially we in the west are using in our mind, in our thinking in our planning, we forget that it is not just that your brain is paddling, your whole body is paddling. so that is the all-ien thing. so, you can have this alone stuff if you are camping on a mountain or even if you are in Delhi. if there are many people but you go in there feeling all one. (Nathan: so, it’s about a mindset rather than being alone?) yes.
- Describe your last solo experience to me. don’t just focus on the physical.
so, the solo Tsarap trip. I already know what’s going on. because I realised that if you are going alone you will have feeling. you will have feelings of luck and you will have feelings of I don’t know like, lonely, deep emotional feelings. feeling like I probably should not do it. but you know the thing is I know that all these doubts are coming and so I can handle them. it’s difficult if you are there and there are some doubts coming to you and you don’t know what’s going on. you know I had for example one moment where I had this thing about relationships / ex-relationships, I don’t know... and it was coming into my mind and I said to myself, yeah, it’s for sure coming because I know that I am now alone. now these things are coming. Anybody that tells me that they spend 4 or 5 days alone, really alone. If he tells me that he didn’t have any problems coming to his mind he is really lucky or he is probably like a big Buddha or whatever. the thing that I have learnt is to be prepared for these thoughts, I have been solo many many times. So that I know, it is getting cold, then I know I’m low emotionally. if you have a partner then you make some joke and then it’s all okay. but that’s the thing I want to go through. I want to feel that I’m sitting in the kayak, that I feel alone, then I watch myself, I watch my brain. like big troubles. these troubles might happen because you have no control but it’s funny to watch it. but still it’s hard.
- what’s going through your head before you start a solo trip?
Erm, there is one moment that I make a decision, that I will do it and then I am sure I am going to make it. Then in any case, in my case, there are coming some doubts. Especially from outside. People are telling me, okay, you should be bringing a GPS, you should be bringing some kind of emergency satellite phone or whatever and then you lay probably in bed one day before and once again you see how your mind, your brain, starts to create stories. But if we go back to the point where I made the decision to do it, I would say I know where I will start and I know where I will end up. In a positive way, if it has to be, I gonna end up somewhere on the Tsarap and it has to be. I know you start and you end up perfect. Then there will be some doubts in-between. You will be afraid, that’s normal. But you know, you always, in the moment that you go to bed the day before, there is coming some bad imagining oh that could happen, or I could lose my kayak over there but I think no, I don’t lose my kayak, because I make it.
- can you tell me about the most memorable part of that trip? can you describe it to me?
Horst laughs, Yeah for sure. It was the moment in the third box that I told you about already. I went I knew, I slept just before on the beach on the right. I didn’t know that it was the third box. But I was really looking forward to it because the water level was high and I was camping there and in the afternoon because I was doing short days kayaking because that’s one of my things. I think that If you are alone, and you have time, take it. So, I had a walk in the afternoon and I suddenly realised that I was exactly was camping in front of the third box that I was looking forward to. Because I was not really sure from last year the places. So, I was scouting in the afternoon and I was really shocked, shocked I was really looking into the water saying “wow, this is so much more water than last year” and the next day I went up and again in the night I was a little bit doubting and worried but I knew it. In the morning I got into the river and got some water onto my face and said, “Okay let’s go.” I went into the box and it was like pushed me round, there was a lot of water in there at that time. So that was the thing I was waiting for, the drop. I knew from last year that you cannot scout and that you cannot portage. So, I went it to the eddie and I did a few rounds. There was something special I of all the years realised of doing things alone, Mountaineering, skiing, whatever if it’s really getting stressful, especially if I am alone. I’m very quiet, there is no stress, there is no I’m not upset or something like that. There is no “Oh shit, I’m going to die” or whatever. You just stay there and say, “okay there a massive noise there. “I knew the whole water goes down, I knew it was already massive last year, and this year there was probably 1m more water. I didn’t have any chance to scout and I went through a few rounds in the eddie and I was thinking okay if I swim its shit because my stuff will be gone or whatever but I knew I will find the solution. So, I was grabbing the stone just so I could relax in the eddie and at that moment I realized that there was a hole going through the stone, so I took a little rope out of my rescue set and thread it through the rock so that I could stand up in my kayak. For a very short moment I left my kayak, but that was really scary because you know if it flips on the boils it would be really shit to empty the water out, so I look down and I see that it’s not really very good, but I was sure that there was a tongue on the right. So, you know, I was happy myself. For sure it was one of those moments where you say to yourself, “I know that I’m right.” It feels arrogant but you go through and after you say I’m fine everything is alright no doubts, just go.
- what do you want to achieve from a solo trip?
Ahh yes, that’s an interesting question. The fact is, if you come out of your comfort zone. The fact is I’m living in the alps and I can paddle beautiful rivers at home, I don’t need to come to Ladakh. So, it’s in any case the question “why do you do it?” I know it makes, all in all, the whole world, the whole system, needs you to be aware of yourself. The more that you are connected with yourself, with all parts of yourself. Not only with your thinking mind. The more you are positively nice going through. The thing that you experience here kayaking. You can use in any way of your living. You can find a new job, then you go there you make it. No doubt its true there are doubts, but you know what it’s okay. I kayak there are doubts I am afraid, you go to your new boss, there are doubts I am afraid. It’s coming to my mind, I’m afraid, it’s the same.
- How do you feel once it is over?
You know on the river there is again, when you watch your brain telling stories, then there is again one story that says again and again. “wow, it will feel so great once it is all over” you know there are some moments where you are so happy, when I was paddling the turquoise water of the lake, it was really amazing. But then I heard the big noise (landslide rapid) and its again like tough and I cannot lose my kayak and everything. Then you are thinking “when I’m in Padum or when I am here it is over.” So, then you come to this place, you get out of your kayak, you know the that became a part of your life, part of your story but it was nothing special. Long pause… For sure it was something special. But you know it was like it’s always like we humans, us from the west its, I told you from this Shepard. This shepherd is living there and we are living the adventure life. We are living our life, and next to our life we have the adventure life. But what I always try to say, I don’t want to live my life by my job and then there is my life. There should be only one life for me.
- what do you believe to be the benefits of solo kayaking?
Then benefits of solo kayaking is that you are much more aware of the river. Your much more present. There is only one thing that matters that moment in your life. Then on the other side you are realising that you are much more, taking care of everything you do. Things that are normal with friends are not normal when you are alone. You climb out and just put the kayak there, if the kayak goes into the water, there are other friends that can chase it. (but when you are alone) no chance. You go out and you probably take 3 stones to fix it, you feel much more vulnerable. So, the benefits ae for you technically if we look at the sports stuff. The mental stuff is unbelievably important to me. I did many things alone, especially in our country, our way of thinking about kayaking is that, kayaking alone is dangerous. I am paddling since 30 years and most of the dangers that I had on the rivers is because of some special group activity some ego going on, some people don’t know how to behave in a group. People not knowing how they can paddle or whatever, if you are alone. Its only you that makes mistakes or not. If you are on a river where you are not allowed to make mistakes then you are not able to make a mistake like the climber, the fall you are dead okay then it was like that.
- Continued conversation…
They would say that it’s a collective way of thinking that it is dangerous. I would say, it can be dangerous. (Nathan: if you took a swim on the landslide rapid, game over.) probably not game over, but fucking shit. I was thinking about one thing, one thing you should do. Passport, lighter. (carried in lifejacket) If you really have a swim and loose everything, you can make a fire and I’m a mountaineering. That’s what I always complain about kayakers. Kayakers are mostly only safe on water. And I’m very safe on mountain, so you know that if I had to escape there I would probably, with that temperature we have now, would have a chance. if it’s getting to zero degree… (Horst shrugs, not good.) if you’re only a kayaker and you don’t know how to read a map, you know to read water but you don’t know how to read landscape and mountains then you won’t be able to escape. So, that is what I was thinking. Worst case, I would be able to escape.
Every day I was driving to my work 50km, I told him (my boss) that I dread the drive. He said why? So, I told him so many accidents are happening and every day I have to go to my job. He said no you don’t have to be afraid, you must go into your car this morning, if you are sure you go there. But is it really that simple? I guess it’s true. It’s the same with kayaking. You start there, and if you have any doubts, you stop. Real doubts, otherwise just go.
 |
| Horst & Martin Spiessberger, 2016 |
- Tell me about yourself and about your time kayaking.
I’m a typical coming out of a kayak family. my father was a kayaker. so, I started kayaking when I was 6. (now 37) so my dad made my first kayak for me. I have been through the whole of kayak development. from like fiberglass kayaks, the long 4m boats to the first playboats. my first boat was a hurricane. and yeah, to the time of kayaking now, many things have changed. But I am still doing it my way.
- what does the term solo mean for you?
solo means for me... no matter whether I’m kayaking or skiing or mountaineering. it’s me and nature, that’s it.
- When we last talked in Padum right after you got off the river you mentioned the idea of All-ien. can you just go over that again and maybe expand a little?
so okay there is two things that you can do. mainly there is like man and woman they are opposites. there is like alone and in a group. they are opposites. When you think about these tribe people all over the world you will see that it was common to be part of a group and alone. the hunters in Austria I would say where going in a group hunting, they were going alone hunting and I would say that is what is interesting about the sport. to paddle alone, to trek alone, to climb alone whatever, and to do it in a group. I think that if you are good doing your job in any case. If you are able to live both sides. There are some people that are some people that are only doing it alone and they are not able to be part of a group. There are some people that are always in groups and they are scared of being alone. and I would say it’s important for me to live and to experience both sides. The all-ien thing, one more time, is especially one of my philosophies. if you are all-ien which in the Austrian language means one with the universe. you know, you get connected with your roots, you are connecting your mind with your whole body, you know especially we in the west are using in our mind, in our thinking in our planning, we forget that it is not just that your brain is paddling, your whole body is paddling. so that is the all-ien thing. so, you can have this alone stuff if you are camping on a mountain or even if you are in Delhi. if there are many people but you go in there feeling all one. (Nathan: so, it’s about a mindset rather than being alone?) yes.
- Describe your last solo experience to me. don’t just focus on the physical.
so, the solo Tsarap trip. I already know what’s going on. because I realised that if you are going alone you will have feeling. you will have feelings of luck and you will have feelings of I don’t know like, lonely, deep emotional feelings. feeling like I probably should not do it. but you know the thing is I know that all these doubts are coming and so I can handle them. it’s difficult if you are there and there are some doubts coming to you and you don’t know what’s going on. you know I had for example one moment where I had this thing about relationships / ex-relationships, I don’t know... and it was coming into my mind and I said to myself, yeah, it’s for sure coming because I know that I am now alone. now these things are coming. Anybody that tells me that they spend 4 or 5 days alone, really alone. If he tells me that he didn’t have any problems coming to his mind he is really lucky or he is probably like a big Buddha or whatever. the thing that I have learnt is to be prepared for these thoughts, I have been solo many many times. So that I know, it is getting cold, then I know I’m low emotionally. if you have a partner then you make some joke and then it’s all okay. but that’s the thing I want to go through. I want to feel that I’m sitting in the kayak, that I feel alone, then I watch myself, I watch my brain. like big troubles. these troubles might happen because you have no control but it’s funny to watch it. but still it’s hard.
- what’s going through your head before you start a solo trip?
Erm, there is one moment that I make a decision, that I will do it and then I am sure I am going to make it. Then in any case, in my case, there are coming some doubts. Especially from outside. People are telling me, okay, you should be bringing a GPS, you should be bringing some kind of emergency satellite phone or whatever and then you lay probably in bed one day before and once again you see how your mind, your brain, starts to create stories. But if we go back to the point where I made the decision to do it, I would say I know where I will start and I know where I will end up. In a positive way, if it has to be, I gonna end up somewhere on the Tsarap and it has to be. I know you start and you end up perfect. Then there will be some doubts in-between. You will be afraid, that’s normal. But you know, you always, in the moment that you go to bed the day before, there is coming some bad imagining oh that could happen, or I could lose my kayak over there but I think no, I don’t lose my kayak, because I make it.
- can you tell me about the most memorable part of that trip? can you describe it to me?
Horst laughs, Yeah for sure. It was the moment in the third box that I told you about already. I went I knew, I slept just before on the beach on the right. I didn’t know that it was the third box. But I was really looking forward to it because the water level was high and I was camping there and in the afternoon because I was doing short days kayaking because that’s one of my things. I think that If you are alone, and you have time, take it. So, I had a walk in the afternoon and I suddenly realised that I was exactly was camping in front of the third box that I was looking forward to. Because I was not really sure from last year the places. So, I was scouting in the afternoon and I was really shocked, shocked I was really looking into the water saying “wow, this is so much more water than last year” and the next day I went up and again in the night I was a little bit doubting and worried but I knew it. In the morning I got into the river and got some water onto my face and said, “Okay let’s go.” I went into the box and it was like pushed me round, there was a lot of water in there at that time. So that was the thing I was waiting for, the drop. I knew from last year that you cannot scout and that you cannot portage. So, I went it to the eddie and I did a few rounds. There was something special I of all the years realised of doing things alone, Mountaineering, skiing, whatever if it’s really getting stressful, especially if I am alone. I’m very quiet, there is no stress, there is no I’m not upset or something like that. There is no “Oh shit, I’m going to die” or whatever. You just stay there and say, “okay there a massive noise there. “I knew the whole water goes down, I knew it was already massive last year, and this year there was probably 1m more water. I didn’t have any chance to scout and I went through a few rounds in the eddie and I was thinking okay if I swim its shit because my stuff will be gone or whatever but I knew I will find the solution. So, I was grabbing the stone just so I could relax in the eddie and at that moment I realized that there was a hole going through the stone, so I took a little rope out of my rescue set and thread it through the rock so that I could stand up in my kayak. For a very short moment I left my kayak, but that was really scary because you know if it flips on the boils it would be really shit to empty the water out, so I look down and I see that it’s not really very good, but I was sure that there was a tongue on the right. So, you know, I was happy myself. For sure it was one of those moments where you say to yourself, “I know that I’m right.” It feels arrogant but you go through and after you say I’m fine everything is alright no doubts, just go.
- what do you want to achieve from a solo trip?
Ahh yes, that’s an interesting question. The fact is, if you come out of your comfort zone. The fact is I’m living in the alps and I can paddle beautiful rivers at home, I don’t need to come to Ladakh. So, it’s in any case the question “why do you do it?” I know it makes, all in all, the whole world, the whole system, needs you to be aware of yourself. The more that you are connected with yourself, with all parts of yourself. Not only with your thinking mind. The more you are positively nice going through. The thing that you experience here kayaking. You can use in any way of your living. You can find a new job, then you go there you make it. No doubt its true there are doubts, but you know what it’s okay. I kayak there are doubts I am afraid, you go to your new boss, there are doubts I am afraid. It’s coming to my mind, I’m afraid, it’s the same.
- How do you feel once it is over?
You know on the river there is again, when you watch your brain telling stories, then there is again one story that says again and again. “wow, it will feel so great once it is all over” you know there are some moments where you are so happy, when I was paddling the turquoise water of the lake, it was really amazing. But then I heard the big noise (landslide rapid) and its again like tough and I cannot lose my kayak and everything. Then you are thinking “when I’m in Padum or when I am here it is over.” So, then you come to this place, you get out of your kayak, you know the that became a part of your life, part of your story but it was nothing special. Long pause… For sure it was something special. But you know it was like it’s always like we humans, us from the west its, I told you from this Shepard. This shepherd is living there and we are living the adventure life. We are living our life, and next to our life we have the adventure life. But what I always try to say, I don’t want to live my life by my job and then there is my life. There should be only one life for me.
- what do you believe to be the benefits of solo kayaking?
Then benefits of solo kayaking is that you are much more aware of the river. Your much more present. There is only one thing that matters that moment in your life. Then on the other side you are realising that you are much more, taking care of everything you do. Things that are normal with friends are not normal when you are alone. You climb out and just put the kayak there, if the kayak goes into the water, there are other friends that can chase it. (but when you are alone) no chance. You go out and you probably take 3 stones to fix it, you feel much more vulnerable. So, the benefits ae for you technically if we look at the sports stuff. The mental stuff is unbelievably important to me. I did many things alone, especially in our country, our way of thinking about kayaking is that, kayaking alone is dangerous. I am paddling since 30 years and most of the dangers that I had on the rivers is because of some special group activity some ego going on, some people don’t know how to behave in a group. People not knowing how they can paddle or whatever, if you are alone. Its only you that makes mistakes or not. If you are on a river where you are not allowed to make mistakes then you are not able to make a mistake like the climber, the fall you are dead okay then it was like that.
- Continued conversation…
They would say that it’s a collective way of thinking that it is dangerous. I would say, it can be dangerous. (Nathan: if you took a swim on the landslide rapid, game over.) probably not game over, but fucking shit. I was thinking about one thing, one thing you should do. Passport, lighter. (carried in lifejacket) If you really have a swim and loose everything, you can make a fire and I’m a mountaineering. That’s what I always complain about kayakers. Kayakers are mostly only safe on water. And I’m very safe on mountain, so you know that if I had to escape there I would probably, with that temperature we have now, would have a chance. if it’s getting to zero degree… (Horst shrugs, not good.) if you’re only a kayaker and you don’t know how to read a map, you know to read water but you don’t know how to read landscape and mountains then you won’t be able to escape. So, that is what I was thinking. Worst case, I would be able to escape.
Every day I was driving to my work 50km, I told him (my boss) that I dread the drive. He said why? So, I told him so many accidents are happening and every day I have to go to my job. He said no you don’t have to be afraid, you must go into your car this morning, if you are sure you go there. But is it really that simple? I guess it’s true. It’s the same with kayaking. You start there, and if you have any doubts, you stop. Real doubts, otherwise just go.
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